Monday, September 10, 2007

This has been something long overdue.

First and foremost, I love this little girl.  She is the number one priority in my life.

Now that we’ve got that settled, I have something I need to get off my chest. 

Divorce sucks.  I have learned this the hard way.  I have also learned that it changes who you.  It makes you appreciate things that you took for granted in so many ways. 

One of the things that I appreciate the most is the way that Mo’s mother and I have worked hard to provide a stable environment for our child.  Yes, there have been many tears shed out of sadness and anger over the past 15 months, but throughout it all, we have a responsibility to rise above it all and be the best parents we can be.  Conventional wisdom thinks that divorced parents should remain at war and put the children in the middle only to be caught in the cross fire.  If you have an issue with the other person, go ahead and use your children as a pawn.  Conventional wisdom thinks that keeping two separate lives for your children is the way to go.  Cooperation between parents is frowned upon. 

While we were married, Stacy and I never quite went with the way of conventional wisdom.  We have been able to work together on things from the complex to the most simple.  When it came to creating an after-school youth ministry in Lima, Ohio, we did it our way and were very good at it(Complex).  When it came to selecting furniture for our new living room, we collaborated and came up with something quite beautiful(Simple).  As parents, we strive to do the same thing.  As two parents living in two separate houses, our goal is to create ONE WORLD FOR OUR CHILD.  There is no separation between the time spent with one parent and the other.  Yes, there may be “Daddy’s house” and “Mommy’s house” but to Mo this is all apart of her world; and in each of those worlds, there is only one mommy and one daddy. 

We strive to create a world that is balanced for our child and because of that our daughter is happy and well-adjusted.  Why?  Because we control what happens around her.  There are some people out there who think it should be different.  Some of those people are either divorced or going through a divorce.  They think that what we are doing is wrong.  What they don’t see is that they are screwing up their own children by being so insecure and selfish.  They are polarizing their children in order for their own selfish gain.  Whether it be though their own divorce or the divorce of someone else.

If you love your children, you will AT ALL COSTS put them first.  Do you want to see them struggle with indecision when in they are in the presence of both parents? Do you want to see them grow up afraid to talk about one parent in front of the other? 

Challenge me on this if you dare.  Go ahead.  I’ll tell you right away to mind your own business.  As I said, my child has one mother and one father.  We alone set the standard for her life.  We alone are the ones responsible.  Yes, we are more than appreciative of those who love and care for her.  You people are wonderful, but in the end, her mother and I are the ones who are the most accountable. 

I know that this matter is far from over, but I can assure you that I will spare nothing to keep my child happy.  You can keep your conventional wisdom.  We have no use for it here.