Wednesday, August 15, 2007

“I come here to find myself.  It is so easy to get lost in the world”.

"I come here to find myself.  It is so easy to get lost in the world”.

22 years ago a 13 year old boy found out where that place is.  On Sunday, I went back for the first time in almost 15 years. 

For years, Star Lake Musicamp, located in Northern New Jersey was a mainstay in my life.  It was the focal point of my calendar year.  It was a way to wrap up the old year and get the new year off to a good start. It was not only an opportunity to grow as a musician, but a chance to find the spiritual center in my life. 

Music has always had a very spiritual meaning to me.  For some people it is the words, for others it is just listening to the melodies.  For me, being immersed into the music, actively participating did it for me.  It moved me to new places in my life.  I know that I had my problems, but for those moments I was in a place that brought peace to my life.  I knew I was supposed to be there.  It was a healing.

Sitting there during morning worship with Mo on my lap brought my past and my future on a collision course.  It made me wonder wonder where my life has gone.  It made me wonder about the choices and decisions I have made.  22 years ago would that boy imagine his life in this way?  I honestly don’t know.  As much as we try to plan out the future God has plans of is own. I know that you can never go back and fix the things that were lost or broken; it just doens’t work that way.  Maybe we’re supposed to learn from those lessons and build a better tomorrow.

As I said goodbye to Star Lake I realized that I am not that 13 year old boy anymore.  Heck, I am not the same person I was 14 months ago.  We learn, we grow, we evolve.  It may not always be under the nicest of terms, but it happens. There have been wonderful memories over the years.  I have done things and been places that most people would love to have been a part of.  I am the father to the most beautiful girl in the world.  All lessons from the past to help shape the future.  I have also caused some pain and frustration in people as well.  Again, lessons from the past to help shape the future. 

Star Lake Musicamp in itself is like one of those lessons.  I know I cannot live in the past.  I cannot lean on the rich memories to carry me through the rest of my life.  I can however, use the experience of that special place to set a defining point and use that to guide me in what I do. 

That simple sign that hung in the Tabernacle still stands true today.  It is easy to get lost in the chaos of the world.  It is easy to lose sight of what is important. 

I went there to find myself.  I come home with a new perspective.